QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX CHURCH WOULDN’T LIKE TO DISCUSS

1. My husband is selfish and also fast in time of sex please sir help me tell men about love play and touching the sensitive part before sex.
2. Why are most men sexually aggressive? Even with their wives, is it psychological or spiritual? What’s the way out?
3. My husband fasts a lot during the long fast and prayer, but no sex, I’m afraid because my sexual urge is gradually fading away. Please sir is it a sin to feel my husband during his 40 days fast? How can sex affect my spirituality?

According to Eccl 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun—all the days of futility. For that is your portion in this life and in your work at which you toil under the sun.

Does sex in marriage have any effect on our physical and spiritual life? A minister who keeps on denying his wife sex to the extent he wrote in a paper to her that if you need sex you can look for a man who will be doing it for you but as for me, no way. What can such a wife do and how can the other minister help the family?

Just as he made them male and female in the beginning so also our sexual response they are not the same, and it’s not a sickness, it’s the manufacturer design and the need to dwell with your wife according to knowledge we’ll always find it in the word of God

Two things I want to say on a general note, I want to say that your marriage is your marriage, the man you have married is your own husband and wife that God gave you is your wife

Conjugal relationship within marriage is biblical, it’s established. He said can somebody make himself one alone ? So the warmth of relationship, the warmth of fellowship, the warmth of conjugal relationship is within the biblical context

I also know that sex within your marriage is not a hindrance to spirituality. It’s a pity that many times we are trained and thought very much elaborately, sometimes by people who themselves have never experienced the plan of God in their own marriage so they make look very hard.

What the bible teaches is that if you are going to abstain first it must be with consent

Let read 1 COR 7 vs 2 But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights].
5 Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire.

The bible used the word in KJV let the husband render to his wife due benevolence and likewise the wife they have to render the affection due to each other.

The word due means entitlement, Beloved married men and women, your body is not your own your spouse is entitle to your body anytime.

Verse 4 says the wife has no power over her own body but if you do not balance it, you might think that it’s only the husband that has the power over his wife body but the bible said it’s the same way, the same dimension husband has no power of his own body but his wife

The next strong word that KJV put that made me afraid he used the word defraud. It’s a fraud not to give some body his due and you are saying no that’s a fraud and the way the bible put it , he says defraud not one not the other

1 these said defraud not one another and he was talking about immorality so which means as far as God is concern conjugal relationship is a right that your spouse doesn’t need to beg for, your spouse doesn’t need to bargain or bribe to get or pay for it. A situation where you say if you want to do it give me more days , that’s not correct except, that’s not the biblical pattern, that’s a manipulation, we don’t expect wives to use their body as a bargain and say ok you have been going up and down buy me gift first

You will see that the bible did not encourage excessive long fasting when it is hampering your conjugal relationship. For you to start a 40 days fast and your wife or your husband is crouching, down, and you are saying look I’m in the spirit if I were God and I know, I would’ve have sent you back and said go down , go down, if somebody has an hurt against you leave what you are doing go down and settle issue

I don’t know why you are not reading your bible very well when you wake up in the morning your spouse say you mean you are still fasting today ? When will break that fast ? You mean you still want to fast even tonight?

Heaven is already saying do what and break that fast and come down , so help me tell that spouse to come down , this one that you are making your spouse sit down like a widow or widower.

Don’t allowed the serpent to crip in when you are not around, it’ll be serious and all the prayer you are praying will be scattered

The other question is about attitude, for a man it doesn’t take him time, man doesn’t need time to get ready , once he sees he’s ready even as he is preparing sermon, if you pass on somehow, the anointing may jump and jump on you and it’s not a sin oh , he may finished it and the anointing will flow on the pulpit and you say ah I thought you are going to preach he says yes it’s part of the preaching and because for him, it doesn’t take him time, he can quickly switch when he finished he start praying in tongues again that is it

Man’s attitude doesn’t need so much everything about him is outward so sisters in the middle of things your husband jump, doesn’t say oh God don’t you have self control? What kind of man are you ? Are you a dog, may the Lord delivered you in the name of Jesus madam you are in error , he doesn’t need deliverance , if God should deliver him from that thing you are in trouble already oh let him not be delivered, just settle down and ask God for wisdom.
What you called aggressive is not necessary an aggression it’s the manufacturer design but now what is the place of that oneness since the conjugal relationship is not just to please yourself? The bible said we should not longer seek to please ourself by the other so the man who is wanting to carry his wife along never you forget that it is not only you that needed to enjoy conjugal relationship she also has an entitlement to enjoy it.

For the female her own attitude to sex even though she’s very strong yet, its own expression is different, many husband used to think that their wives are not interested, why is she not interested every time she will say she’s not ready, it’s because what it takes a woman to be ready for an enjoyable sexual life is not the same with the man

For the woman she needs absolute privacy, she needs total assurance that no body will interrupt so when you are saying you are ready, you are ready, the wife is saying have you lock the door? The husband say don’t worry nobody is around, she say no go and lock the door , if the children are playing around and they are making noise, she will say wait, the man will say no no no they won’t know anything let’s just go on

And some of you , your bed is always singing, you are doing fein fein fein the wife say no some of you , you are not taking care of all these things and you are saying she’s not ready, go and fix your bed so that it is very solid and if you bed has to make noise bring your mattress down oh so that everywhere can be quiet

Am I been practical with you now ? So those are the issues the wife is considering she thinks a lot the reason is that for her to be released, her own is more gradual it takes time and even after for her to pack off and return is gradual and that is the problem, once the husband is released immediately after everything is finished the wife is still struggling to come down the man has slept and unfortunately you know the devil is wicked while you are sleeping and snoring the devil will say look at him he doesn’t even care how you feel, he’s already sleeping, he just used you and he is gone. The things that she need to make her ready are
Assurance, what you are saying, the relationship is actually an affection that she is looking for in sex but the man is only looking for a release that is the challenge

In the sexual relationship for the man like a brother has said is like a matches on dry grass and it can happen even when there is a misunderstanding for the man because his life is in compartment there can be misunderstanding but sex can still take place, he will say forget about that we’ll settle that later , after

But for the woman her life is in the pile it’s not in compartments so the sister you hurt and abuse her , she is there she told you , you said is her mouth so that one is waiting the other matter she said she wanted to discuss you were too busy so no time and it is pilling, it’s not like she is keep grudges per say but these things are pressing on the sex

Sex is important for the woman too but her life is in the pile she is not in compartments so is the entire relationship so when you come you want this one at the bottom, these ones are pressing them and you need to offload and many times this is ignored and many woman

I met a widow she said many minister have come to marry her because she’s a godly woman but she said no for the many years of marriage she never enjoyed sex so she’s not missing sex , she will continue to serve the Lord till the end of her life and many women , ministers wife are crying out like that , you are in a hurry, you are just interested in yourself, she said she wanted to discuss you said no time till the evening, she brought it up again you said don’t you see I am tired, it goes on and on the things are there

One pastor wife said even if he suck everything I will not feel anything because the load I am carrying is too much, that’s what is happening

When there is good sex between couple there is fulfilment you know brothers that Satan is sending all kinds of people to cut you short but when there’s fulfilment at home those ones that go with their own open on a tray you will not see it. Is a big challenge

The issue of oneness in the body sex is an expression of it you won’t be complete in oneness when the bodily oneness is denied

It is even the men that are denying their wife’s not the wife that are saying no no no so strange

It’s not only the male want to enjoy sex even the female and the day we signed that we are going with each other that day we also signed for enjoyment of sexual relationship

Sex is not contrary especially in marriage is not contrary to godliness it doesn’t even hinder fasting from the scripture we read you can fast and pray for 100 days but you are still enjoying sex whenever you break God will not knock your head it’s part of the oneness in marriage

It’s only if you agree together and say this fasting we are taking we want to also fast for sex, them is an agreement for you to be taking 40 days fast your spouse has not agreed with you God will send you back from heaven, your prayers will be hindered because if you don’t treat her as you should, we are read in 1 peter 3: , your prayers will be hindered, it will not get answer so we should not deny one another God didn’t say if you are praying don’t have sex no sex in marriage is not contrary to godliness and spirituality

Women, take note also the fact that the man is demanding even before he goes to the pulpit does not mean that he can’t preach, for him it may be to release his emotions so that he can flow properly even spiritually
Received grace not to deny one another grace is the matter